all play and no work make cat an ungraduated girl

Submitted by Cat on Thu, 2005-05-05 00:58

Okay, now all I want to do is play with this. I'm tired and my health isn't so great. I should be sleeping and/or writing my thesis, but this is so much fun. I'm practicing some avoidance here in part because I'm nervous about my doctor's appointment on Friday, which is silly, I know. I, who practically grew up in the doctor's office, am nervous. I'm afraid to hope that this doctor will help improve my quality of life when so often others have failed to. Not making much sense, I know. This doctor is different because he specializes in adult survivors of pediatric cancer and I guess I'm afraid that if he can't help me no one can. I had cancer in the seventies when chemo treatment was still pretty medieval. Anyway, between having a nervous system cancer (neuroblastoma) and being pumped full of highly toxic chemicals, I'm a health disaster area. Don't get me wrong; happy to be alive. It's just so painful to be alive. I've never experienced a single pain free day in my life. This guy's specialty is helping to control pain; what if he can't help to control mine? And how do I deal with the blessing/curse that I don't look sick? Okay, it's time for me to buck up, suck it up, buttercup and go to bed. The real question now is: do I post this?